So it occurred to me that the term "shrinkage" doesn't only have to refer to the shortening a guy's penis, but can also refer to cooking bacon. Although, they are similar. They both mean, loosely translated, "less meat". Yup, I just crossed the line and I know it. And I'm not even drunk yet.
The more you know.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
hundreds
a hundred things I like and a hundred things I don't like. Really Jen? A hundred each? alright, you have no one to blame but yourself...
LIKES/LOVES
1. PUPPIES
2. Futurama
3. Jaiden
4. Cora
5. Lee
6. Kika
7. yellow
8. pizza
9. sweatshirts
10. being lazy
11. Tae Kwon Do
12. Robert Downey Jr.
13. The Hangover
14. Play-Doh
15. Texas Roadhouse
16. My other animals
17. My friends
18. Kenny Johnson
19. Holly Hunter
20. Saving Grace
21. board games
22. Rock Band
23. puzzles (sometimes)
24. tattoos
25. Rum
26. Gin
27. Vodka
28. flavored vodkas
29. Crown Royal
30. bed straps and handcuffs
31. karaoke
32. a night away from the kids
33. FRIENDS (TV show)
34. Roseanne
35. Simpsons
35. Family Guy
36. Facebook
37. White Fang
38. sledding
39. camping
40. Despicable Me
41. driving around for no reason
42. being awesome
43. writing
44. making movies
45. doggie style
46. football
47. volleyball
48. wolves
49. sleep
50. baking
51. long showers
52. Cadbury Eggs
53. raspberries
54. chili
55. Lake Placid
56. sex (I'm a big fan)
57. great big fuzzy blankets
58. laughing
59. music
60. Reba (both her show and her music)
61. How I met Your Mother
62. The Shield
63. Rescue Me
64. Denis Leary
65. hiking
66. swimming
67. bar fights
68. "I've never" (drinking game)
69. 69
70. Poker (all forms)
71. rummy (all forms)
72. Rayne Summers (Least I Could Do)
73. casual sex
74. hot chocolate
75. cheesecake
76. animals
77. tanzinite
78. black diamonds
79. trying new things
80. some routines
81. winning
82. spending time with the kids (usually)
83. candles
84. roses
85. warm weather
86. watching the cat harass the rat (it amuses me)
87. Liar Liar
88. Jim Carrey
89. In the Army Now
90. when teachers yell and hit the board (that also amuses me)
91. Neil Patrick Harris
92. Calvin and Hobbes
93. Garfield
94. Fox Trot
95. Bra Man
96. girl on top
97. sexual innuendos
98. rocking chairs
99. night time
100. "less talky more back scratchy"
DISLIKES/HATES
1. snakes
2. spiders
3. crabby kids
4. math
5. puzzles (sometimes)
6. reading
7. being stalked
8. rat bites
9. donkey punching (not a fan)
10. listing my likes and dislikes on a blog
11. Valentine's Day
12. watching any sport other than football
13. scotch
14. extreme heat
15. extreme cold
16. North Dakota
17. Minnesota
18. political emails
19. emails titles "smart squirrel". yeah squirrels are smart and resourceful if you want to entertain me then send me an email titled "dumb squirrel". that'll get my attention
20. spam
21. being hacked
22. Star Wars
23. Sci Fi in general
24. running out of Cadbury Eggs
25. facing mortality
26. being told "no"
27. that my tattoo is cracked and bleeding
28. naughty children
29. other parents because they don't get off their asses and do some damn parenting! Say, is that your kid up on the roof with a deer rifle???
30. stupid people
31. tests
32. cleaning cat boxes
33. cleaning the rat cage
34. picking up dog poop
35. washing dishes
36. Altru health system
37. death/dying
38. people being in "my bubble" (unless I know them and am cool with them)
39. crowds
40. waiting
41. shopping
42. closed minded people
43. having sex with the lights on
44. wasting booze (not OK)
45. my thighs
46. taking pictures (unless I'm BEHIND the camera)
47. cooking
48. long car drives with kids
49. being broke
50. having to be nice to someone I loathe
51. my son is being a total butt right now as I try to type, not happy with that
52. AT&T
53. The fact that I will be stuck with AT&T
54. sucking up
55. potty training the kids
56. fighting with friends
57. running out of gas
58. the ban of prayer in schools
59. politicians
60. Government policies
61. traveling overseas
62. California
63. Florida
64. changing diapers
65. vomit
66. being sick
67. cracked ribs
68. broken noses
69. Superman
70. the way Hollywood always screws up the superheros
71. the way Hollywood is always rebooting story lines they don't to because they are too lazy to come up with something new. Come talk to me! I'll give you lots of new stuff!
72. Anime
73. Hello Kitty
74. bad drivers. it's called a STOP sign, you aer supposed to STOP. Asshole.
75. pleather
76. dry roasted peanuts
77. Elmo's World
78. Mr. Noodle
79. Tomatoes
80. sea food
81. losing
82. crying
83. working
84. penalties called on my team
85. Gophers
86. citing
87. yappy dogs (even though I own one)
88. bartenders who don't know the difference between Jack Daniel's and Crown Royal
89. being stood up/blown off
90. babysitting
91. baseball hats
92. flea epidemics
93. the ocean
94. bridges
95. my OCD
96. ADD
97. public schools
98. fine china
99. cigarettes
100. yodeling
LIKES/LOVES
1. PUPPIES
2. Futurama
3. Jaiden
4. Cora
5. Lee
6. Kika
7. yellow
8. pizza
9. sweatshirts
10. being lazy
11. Tae Kwon Do
12. Robert Downey Jr.
13. The Hangover
14. Play-Doh
15. Texas Roadhouse
16. My other animals
17. My friends
18. Kenny Johnson
19. Holly Hunter
20. Saving Grace
21. board games
22. Rock Band
23. puzzles (sometimes)
24. tattoos
25. Rum
26. Gin
27. Vodka
28. flavored vodkas
29. Crown Royal
30. bed straps and handcuffs
31. karaoke
32. a night away from the kids
33. FRIENDS (TV show)
34. Roseanne
35. Simpsons
35. Family Guy
36. Facebook
37. White Fang
38. sledding
39. camping
40. Despicable Me
41. driving around for no reason
42. being awesome
43. writing
44. making movies
45. doggie style
46. football
47. volleyball
48. wolves
49. sleep
50. baking
51. long showers
52. Cadbury Eggs
53. raspberries
54. chili
55. Lake Placid
56. sex (I'm a big fan)
57. great big fuzzy blankets
58. laughing
59. music
60. Reba (both her show and her music)
61. How I met Your Mother
62. The Shield
63. Rescue Me
64. Denis Leary
65. hiking
66. swimming
67. bar fights
68. "I've never" (drinking game)
69. 69
70. Poker (all forms)
71. rummy (all forms)
72. Rayne Summers (Least I Could Do)
73. casual sex
74. hot chocolate
75. cheesecake
76. animals
77. tanzinite
78. black diamonds
79. trying new things
80. some routines
81. winning
82. spending time with the kids (usually)
83. candles
84. roses
85. warm weather
86. watching the cat harass the rat (it amuses me)
87. Liar Liar
88. Jim Carrey
89. In the Army Now
90. when teachers yell and hit the board (that also amuses me)
91. Neil Patrick Harris
92. Calvin and Hobbes
93. Garfield
94. Fox Trot
95. Bra Man
96. girl on top
97. sexual innuendos
98. rocking chairs
99. night time
100. "less talky more back scratchy"
DISLIKES/HATES
1. snakes
2. spiders
3. crabby kids
4. math
5. puzzles (sometimes)
6. reading
7. being stalked
8. rat bites
9. donkey punching (not a fan)
10. listing my likes and dislikes on a blog
11. Valentine's Day
12. watching any sport other than football
13. scotch
14. extreme heat
15. extreme cold
16. North Dakota
17. Minnesota
18. political emails
19. emails titles "smart squirrel". yeah squirrels are smart and resourceful if you want to entertain me then send me an email titled "dumb squirrel". that'll get my attention
20. spam
21. being hacked
22. Star Wars
23. Sci Fi in general
24. running out of Cadbury Eggs
25. facing mortality
26. being told "no"
27. that my tattoo is cracked and bleeding
28. naughty children
29. other parents because they don't get off their asses and do some damn parenting! Say, is that your kid up on the roof with a deer rifle???
30. stupid people
31. tests
32. cleaning cat boxes
33. cleaning the rat cage
34. picking up dog poop
35. washing dishes
36. Altru health system
37. death/dying
38. people being in "my bubble" (unless I know them and am cool with them)
39. crowds
40. waiting
41. shopping
42. closed minded people
43. having sex with the lights on
44. wasting booze (not OK)
45. my thighs
46. taking pictures (unless I'm BEHIND the camera)
47. cooking
48. long car drives with kids
49. being broke
50. having to be nice to someone I loathe
51. my son is being a total butt right now as I try to type, not happy with that
52. AT&T
53. The fact that I will be stuck with AT&T
54. sucking up
55. potty training the kids
56. fighting with friends
57. running out of gas
58. the ban of prayer in schools
59. politicians
60. Government policies
61. traveling overseas
62. California
63. Florida
64. changing diapers
65. vomit
66. being sick
67. cracked ribs
68. broken noses
69. Superman
70. the way Hollywood always screws up the superheros
71. the way Hollywood is always rebooting story lines they don't to because they are too lazy to come up with something new. Come talk to me! I'll give you lots of new stuff!
72. Anime
73. Hello Kitty
74. bad drivers. it's called a STOP sign, you aer supposed to STOP. Asshole.
75. pleather
76. dry roasted peanuts
77. Elmo's World
78. Mr. Noodle
79. Tomatoes
80. sea food
81. losing
82. crying
83. working
84. penalties called on my team
85. Gophers
86. citing
87. yappy dogs (even though I own one)
88. bartenders who don't know the difference between Jack Daniel's and Crown Royal
89. being stood up/blown off
90. babysitting
91. baseball hats
92. flea epidemics
93. the ocean
94. bridges
95. my OCD
96. ADD
97. public schools
98. fine china
99. cigarettes
100. yodeling
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Discussion time
Random thought of the day. All dogs go to heaven. Is Cujo in heaven? thoughts anyone???
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
ranting
in case anyone was wondering, the Grand Forks Public School system are a joke! their teachers are lazy and incompetent and they don't believe in disciplining kids. A great example of their lack of competency...my daughter has brought home several spelling tests this year where she missed several words and should have failed the test, but instead the teacher gives her an 'A' to "encourage her" to do better. That doesn't encourage her to do jack shit! all that is doing is teaching her that she doesn't have to study and take the consequences of not studying. This worthless teacher isn't doing my daughter (and presumably other kids as well) any favors by giving them false As.
A great example of their lack of discipline is this. My daughter has been tardy 8 times this year. I have tried taking care of this by moving her bedtime up to 7:30 and making her get up at 6. But that hasn't worked. The school doesn't hand out detention or make her stay in at recess or write lines or anything! they just send me some lame ass letter about how the "stay in school intervention team" and social services are getting involved! Bullshit! she doesn't need an intervention team, she needs some god damn discipline at school! there hasn't been any as of yet and my punishing her at home clearly isn't working. The first line of defense, so to speak, needs to come from the school. They need to try something first BEFORE I punish her at home. even if it is as simple as keeping her in at recess on days she is tardy to make up for the time she missed. I'm not going to stand over her shoulder every minute of the day and make her do what she is supposed to do, she needs to learn to be responsible and she WILL learn that if she is made to be accountable for her actions, both at home and at school.
The school teachers forge grades, refuse to discipline and ignore valid concerns from both parents and students, then they can't figure out why the hell the kids are rude, lazy, inconsiderate and irresponsible! maybe they should get their heads out of their asses, stop worrying about being negative and trying to sugar coat every damn thing and TEACH the kids and DISCIPLINE them when they are out of line. Seriously, 15 years from now these kids are gonna be the ones in charge of the country, are these the attitudes and values we want them to have when they are in charge of us?
A great example of their lack of discipline is this. My daughter has been tardy 8 times this year. I have tried taking care of this by moving her bedtime up to 7:30 and making her get up at 6. But that hasn't worked. The school doesn't hand out detention or make her stay in at recess or write lines or anything! they just send me some lame ass letter about how the "stay in school intervention team" and social services are getting involved! Bullshit! she doesn't need an intervention team, she needs some god damn discipline at school! there hasn't been any as of yet and my punishing her at home clearly isn't working. The first line of defense, so to speak, needs to come from the school. They need to try something first BEFORE I punish her at home. even if it is as simple as keeping her in at recess on days she is tardy to make up for the time she missed. I'm not going to stand over her shoulder every minute of the day and make her do what she is supposed to do, she needs to learn to be responsible and she WILL learn that if she is made to be accountable for her actions, both at home and at school.
The school teachers forge grades, refuse to discipline and ignore valid concerns from both parents and students, then they can't figure out why the hell the kids are rude, lazy, inconsiderate and irresponsible! maybe they should get their heads out of their asses, stop worrying about being negative and trying to sugar coat every damn thing and TEACH the kids and DISCIPLINE them when they are out of line. Seriously, 15 years from now these kids are gonna be the ones in charge of the country, are these the attitudes and values we want them to have when they are in charge of us?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
memory
Favorite memory? I don't know that I have one. Right now I'm trying even to pin down a good memory. I suppose the day I found out I was having twins or maybe even the day they were born would be good ones, though rather cliched. Hmm, how the day we got our new puppy? Little background as to why this was awesome. Cora was over a year old and flat out refused to put any weight on her legs. She couldn't walk, but she wouldn't even stand. Her doctor and infant development workers were so concerned about this that they put her into physical therapy convinced something was medically wrong with her. This will come into play later in the story I promise.
So, I'm on petfinder.com trying to find the perfect puppy for us (with the help of Nickala of course!) and I came across a litter of puppies that were half St. Bernard and half Springer Spaniel. What a combo! Couldn't pass that up. So without even warning my hubby I put in an application on a female pup. The next I received a call saying we were approved for adoption! oh and by the way, the shelter we were adopting from was in Waterloo Iowa!! What a drive! so three weeks later, after the pups were deemed healthy Nikki and I drove down to Waterloo to pick her up. We left at 5 am Sunday morning. We got back into town at 2 am Monday morning, oh and we both had 8 am classes that morning. I dont' recall why I decided to go to class that morning, oh wait yes I do, I had a test. So I go to classes and come home. the new puppy who I have name Kika is lying on the couch. As I stand there watching, Cora crawls over to the couch, grabs on and STANDS UP and says "hi puppy"! It blew my mind. Apparently it isn't that she couldn't walk, she just didn't have the proper motivation to until we got Kika.
So, I'm on petfinder.com trying to find the perfect puppy for us (with the help of Nickala of course!) and I came across a litter of puppies that were half St. Bernard and half Springer Spaniel. What a combo! Couldn't pass that up. So without even warning my hubby I put in an application on a female pup. The next I received a call saying we were approved for adoption! oh and by the way, the shelter we were adopting from was in Waterloo Iowa!! What a drive! so three weeks later, after the pups were deemed healthy Nikki and I drove down to Waterloo to pick her up. We left at 5 am Sunday morning. We got back into town at 2 am Monday morning, oh and we both had 8 am classes that morning. I dont' recall why I decided to go to class that morning, oh wait yes I do, I had a test. So I go to classes and come home. the new puppy who I have name Kika is lying on the couch. As I stand there watching, Cora crawls over to the couch, grabs on and STANDS UP and says "hi puppy"! It blew my mind. Apparently it isn't that she couldn't walk, she just didn't have the proper motivation to until we got Kika.
and I quote...
I was going to go with "naked time is not thinky time" but that would get way too obscene way too quickly. I think I will use the quote "ask not what you can do with no pants, ask what no pants can do for you". ok in all honesty this will probably get obscene too. both quotes are from my new love in life, Rayne Summers, star of the webcomic 'Least I Could Do'. It is so sad that he is fictional....It is wonderful that he hates the oppression of pants, cuz Hell, who needs pants?! Pants make it much harder to indulge in all the wonderful things in life like showers and sex. Ok, you COULD shower with pants on but what would be the point? it would be highly uncomfortable. And as for sex that would be impossible!! Hmmm, I will stop talking about this topic immediately so I don't cross the line even farther. If you are interested in the non censored ranting about sex and no pants and booze and what not feel free to find me on Facebook!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
crabby today
I WAS having a good day, but now I am crabby. not really sure why I am crabby, perhaps because the kids are being horrid little monsters and driving me nuts, or because my side and back hurt considerably more the last couple of days, or both. but whatever I am royally pissed the eff off today. so count your lucky stars that you only have to read about it and not deal with it first hand!
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