Hi ho, hi ho, it's back to school I go

So, in a little less than a month I will be back in school again at M State and couldn't be more excited about it! Going to get my associate's in dental hygiene, then will finish the last 30 credits I will need for my liberal arts bachelor's degree. And after that I MAY go into dental therapy.  I am going to continue to work full time at my current job as a debt collector while in school and of course I am still a full time mom to two almost 4 year olds! the next three years are going to be long and stressful but it will all be worth it! I am really happy here in Fargo. I have my kids, the love of my life, my dog, and soon enough a wonderful career. Life...is...good.

About blogging (reflections)

so it seems that my blogging (at least assigned blogging) is drawing to a close. I had some fun, some laughs, some random moments and some serious ones. I regret nothing that I have chosen to share with you all. I really enjoy blogging and will most likely continue to do so in the future. It has provided me with an emotional outlet, a chance to vent and sometimes a chance to entertain others. I would like to hope that I have taught you all a little something, whether it be about relationships or shrinkage or the incompetence of the Grand Forks School Systems. If I have failed to teach you anything then please say I made you laugh AT LEAST once??!! Please??....

Because I can

My choice huh? That's ironic considering I have nothing I want to say. the kids are fine, I am for the most part fine, school is fine. nothing really to complain about. but on the flip side nothing really to get excited about. my life is mundane today. Check that, there is one thing that really irks me. All the Osama Bin Laden BS on facebook.  I am so fed up with all the nonsense that I am almost ready to delete my account. yes he's dead, but has justice REALLY been served? should we be celebrating his death or should we be on the lookout for the heir to the throne? I am also fed up with the BS bickering about whether or not Obama is awesome. Ok HE didn't kill Osama, it just happened during his presidency. So all the people out there talking about how awesome he is really ticks me off. BUT the Obama haters tick me off too, because they are slamming him because he didn't kill Osama himself and the military ALMOST went without pay because of him and they still won't vote for him and bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. There are far too many people in this country to please everyone, we probably can't even have a happy medium. I just want people to quit arguing about Obama and whether or not he is awesome for "catching" OBL and just take the whole thing as a win for the country. So now that I have bitched about their bitching, I am done now. and I do feel a little better actually.

Sense

Sense sense! this doesn't make any sense! tell me where did I go wrong? how did my life come to this? I am about to embark on the hardest journey of my life but that's ok. it doesn't make sense to you and it barely makes sense to me. I know I am doing the right thing, even though it doesn't seem like it to those around me

remembered dialogue

Preacher: Do you take this woman to have and to hold? for richer or poorer? in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live?
Matt: I do
Preacher: And do you take this man to have and to hold? for richer or poorer? in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live?
Me: I do
Preacher: By the power vested in me by the State of North Dakota I now pronounce you husband and wife. you may now kiss the bride.

That worked out great, h-uh?

"Barely Used" (Short Story Blog)

Amy sat at the counter of her cluttered kitchen, rolling a cigarette between her fingers. She drew it up to her lips and took a long drag. The phone rang, startling her. She reached over the clutter and picked up the receiver.
"Hello."
"Yes, I am calling about the ad in the paper" a gruff male voice replied. "How much you asking?"
Amy sighed. "I don't know, 50 bucks?"
"Is it in good condition?"
"Yeah, it's barely been used."
"Sounds fair. When can I pick it up?"
"I'm home all day. 135 Oak Drive"
"I know where that is. I will be there in about an hour."
"Sounds good. What's your name?"
"John."

An hour later a small black truck backed down Amy's winding driveway. An older gentleman with short gray hair and a bushy beard got out of the truck and approached the door. Amy, in frumpy sweats, opened the door before he even had a chance to ring the bell.
"You must be John" she said happily.
"Yeah, I sure am. Do you mind if I ask why you are selling it?"
"Not at all, come on in. We actually inherited it but have no real use for it. The one we have works quite well."
John cocked an eyebrow.
"You inherited it?"
Amy rolled her eyes and grinned.
"Odd I know. It would make more sense if you knew my in laws. I think they enjoy dumping these things on us."

Several minutes later John loaded a new white toilet onto the back of his truck.

Sometimes, life hurts

this seems like a "duh" statement. this is something that we all (probably) take as a given. Sometimes, life hurts. While speaking to a very close friend of mine yesterday he informed me of this. once again a "duh" statement, and I recognized this but something about that statement struck me in a profound way.

I have in recent times, found myself to be in a hurtful and extremely complicated situation. I have made the decision to move on but the guilt I feel is quite crippling. I know I've made mistakes and that a large part of this IS in fact my fault. Maybe it's my fault even more so for giving up. I recognize this and accept my responsibility in this situation's demise, however I have learned something quite important. Relationships, sex, marriage and love are NOT as black and white as society would have us believe, and a person's past doesn't always define their future. I used to think love and sex and etc... was black and white, I used to strongly believe the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" but the truth of the matter is that every situation is different and every person is different. These things are NOT black and white, but have an entire gray side to them. Only by opening our minds and placing our reservations and judgements aside can we really understand that.

Yes, it is very easy to judge and place blame but the fact remains that when a relationship of any kind goes bad it is very very rarely ever entirely one person's fault. only when both parties accept their part in the demise can true healing and understanding begin. If that happens then the parties involved are fortunate to have grown as individuals. They are fortunate enough to realize that just because something ended badly doesn't mean that it was necessarily a mistake to begin with, or that it (relationship) or they failed. Sometimes what we learn and how we grow as people is the best side effect to come out of a relationship or decision.

I sound very preachy right now and I realize that. I have had some very different and interesting life experiences in the past few years. I have some very important people come into my life (along with my experiences) that have taught me the things I mentioned above. I have grown remarkably and become a much more mature and grounded person (I realize it doesn't seem that way but you will have to take my word on it!). I could go into more detail but I fear that would go on too long. I am, however, very willing to discuss this topic further in person. I just want to leave you with these words:

"Sometimes, life hurts. But it isn't a problem, it's a learning opportunity". (collaborative quote from Pearson and Lyons)